A Nice Break

We've been on a nice little break from almost everything. I took a couple of weeks off from all social media because I felt like it was consuming me. I cancelled all therapy appointments the past month because I was either dreading them or getting depressed after. I mentioned I was in a funk in my last post and that funk went on longer than expected. That was when I decided I just needed to recharge and it absolutely helped. I think my boys were grateful too. 

We went to Fredericksburg (which is down in the hill country part of Texas) a couple of weeks ago for a few days. We usually try to go once a year. It's a cute little town with lots of wineries, shops, and beautiful scenery. This little vacation was much needed by the whole family. 

Here are a couple of the spring pictures we had done of the boys. The best pics were when they weren't looking. Carter does this weird fake smile now and Camden just stares at you like you're nuts when you are trying your hardest to make him smile.

Easter was great despite the gloomy weather. The egg hunt ended just before the storm hit. We got to see Rylie, but Ryan couldn't come this time. Carter loves spending time with his big bubbas. It's nice to watch their relationship grow as he gets older. The boys got to spend time with their Uncle Tommy and soon to be Aunt Amy too. 

We have been able to spend a lot of time outside lately and I'm loving it! This time of year is perfect. Once June hits we start with the 100+ degree temperatures and it's steamy hot.

The great thing about this little break was that Camden's skills really started to come on like crazy. He's done more new things these past few weeks than he's done in months. A lot of them were little things that we've been waiting forever for him to do. He did this before a while back. Once I backed off and took a break from things, he would bust out a new skill. I think he can feel the stress and frustration from me at times. I promise to write all about it in my next post. I will say that he definitely moves now. He's not crawling or scooting, but he has his own crazy way of getting around. There is no more of sitting him down somewhere and expecting him to stay there! 

It was a good break!

Brothers

I've been in a bit of a funk lately. Every time I sat down to write, I couldn't think of anything positive to say. My posts aren't always rainbows and sunshine, but I just really didn't want to write another negative post on the same subject matter. I have been able to accept that Camden will do things on his own time, but some days it just gets to me. When I see that he isn't reaching certain milestones yet, it stings a bit. You've heard me harp on this subject before and that's why I didn't want to write about it again. So, I've been trying to shift my mind to positive things these past couple of weeks and just couldn't seem to do it...until the other day.

I was watching Carter and Camden playing together the other night and it brought tears to my eyes. They play together every day so this wasn't something new. I got a little emotional because I started thinking back to Camden's birth and about all the crazy thoughts that swirled through my mind. I've said before that I was devastated at first. I wasn't just devastated for me though, I was hurting for Carter as well. I felt like I let him down. I thought I messed up and didn't give him the perfect brother that he deserved. I worried constantly about what kind of life Carter would have. He has his two older brothers and he adores them both, but the age gap is so wide and he doesn't get to see them much. I was so excited that he was going to have a little brother that he could play with, wrestle with, argue with, laugh with, and do all of the other things that siblings get to do together. After Camden was born I thought that dream had died. I really thought Camden would be a burden to his older brother. I thought that they would not get to play like brothers do. I didn't want Carter to resent Camden. I only wanted him to love Camden with his whole heart. I know now that these thoughts are silly and even a bit crazy, but that's honestly what I felt for a very long time. From the beginning Carter has been very protective of Camden. He would always check on him and comfort him if needed. Carter came to every doctor's appointment without complaints. Sure he got a little jealous at times, but I think all siblings probably go through that. As Camden has gotten a little older, the bond continues to grow stronger between these two boys. They get mad at each other like siblings do. Carter takes Camden's toys and makes him scream until he gets it back. Camden makes Carter mad when he pulls his hair. They laugh together every day. No one can make Camden laugh so loud as much as Carter can. They make each other smile. Carter holds Camden on his lap every evening and bounces him until they both get tired. Carter teaches Camden sign language and reads to him. The bond between these two is indescribable and it brings my heart so much joy. Carter does not see him as different. He doesn't understand that he has Down syndrome. We have tried to talk about it and his response is always "he's just a baby, that's why he can't do that yet." He thinks all babies have Ds. I know this will change one day as they both get older, but the unconditional love between these two brothers will remain the same.