Dear Camden

Dear Camden,

Today you turned one year old. I mean...wow! I can't believe it's been a year already. It has by far been the fastest year of my life. It was also a year ago today that I found out you came with an extra chromosome. I thought I would be a blubbering mess today, but all I can do is smile. I know I was not the best mommy to you at first and I apologize with all my heart for that. I don't want to rehash all those feelings in the beginning because I feel I have done that enough. Instead, I want to tell you how much you have changed our lives this past year. Your daddy and I have always been close and I had no idea that we could become even closer. You have connected us in a way that is truly special. We have learnd to focus on our blessings and to not let the trivial things get in our way. We realize every day just how lucky we are to have you and your brothers. I've really been amazed at how much your daddy has changed. He's never been the emotional type....at all. He's always been affectionate but he never really shares what he's feeling inside. At our first Buddy Walk last month we were given these blue Ds awareness bracelets to wear. I took mine off later that evening and assumed your daddy did the same. A couple of weeks ago I noticed he still had his on. This is very unlike him. He does NOT wear any type of jewelry. So I chuckled and asked if he forgot to take it off. He looked down at it and replied "No, I like it. When I'm having a bad day I look down at it and it reminds me how blessed I am to have that boy in my life." Then he walked away. Every evening he holds you in the "spot" (in his arms while he sits on the couch and watches tv). I watch him stare into your eyes and I can just feel the amount of love there. It's really incredible and it still gives me chills. He looks forward to that time with you every day. I also see how much Carter adores you. I try to ask him at times if he wants me to take him on a mommy date and he always says "only if baby bubba can come too." He wants to do everything with you. He tells you he loves you everyday. I love that he only sees you for he perfect little boy that you are. You two will be the best of friends. Then there's me. You have brought so much happiness and love to my life. I'm a better person because of you. I see the world differently. I see people differently. I'm more compassionate now. Before, when I would see someone with a disability I would simply smile and walk on by. Now, I often take the time to stop and say hi. I want to get to know people better. I want to know their stories. I have learned to stop being so judgemental and to not jump to conclusions. I feel I can be a better friend, daughter, and mother. Because of you I have met so many new wonderful people. I have met many new women who will be lifelong friends. These women are amazing. They have taught me and supported me through so much. You did that. That is all because of you. I feel like we have been going a hundred miles per hour for so many months and we are finally starting to slow down. I missed so much the first few months of your life because my head was not where it needed to be. Once I was able to straighten that out, it has been absolutely wonderful and ful of joy. I want to savor each moment with you. I will always be here for you no matter what. I will be your biggest cheerleader and will always fight for you. I will help you reach your fullest potential. I promise to never take that sweet smile of yours for granted. I love more than any words could possibly describe. My heart smiles when I think of you...when I see you...when I talk about you. I am so unbelievably proud of you son. Happy first birthday to you!

Love,

Mom